Family Feud

The church in Philippi started with people who had:

• Different backgrounds
• Different personalities
• Different societal positions

Philippians 4:1-3 “Therefore, my brothers and sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends! ² I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. ³ Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.”

First – Notice that Paul does not take sides in the conflict

Philippians 4:2 “I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord.”

The question is not whether conflict will come – It is what we will do when conflict comes

Think about this progression:

• I disagree with what you did
• It turns into – You always do that
• Then it becomes – You never listen
• Then it becomes – You don’t care about me

Eventually we are no longer arguing over the original issue. We fight about:

• Who is right
• Who is respected
• Who is appreciated
• And who gets the last word

Second – Be of the same mind in the Lord

Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”

Philippians 2:5 “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”

Third – Be more concerned about the relationship than winning

Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Paul knows you cannot control the other person, but you can control your response.

Some steps to resolving conflict:

1. Deal with the issue, not the person

Matthew 18:15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you”

• Go
• Don’t post
• Don’t gossip
• Don’t recruit your friends
• Don’t tell ten people before you tell the person
• Go

Matthew 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, ²⁴ leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”

• Listen before you defend yourself

James 1:19 “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry”

Here are a few questions that can be helpful while you are listening:

• What happened?
• How did this make you feel?
• What do you want me to understand?

Listen – Not listen while I am preparing my rebuttal

• Ask: “What part of this is mine?”

Matthew 7:3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?”

Healthy reconciliation begins with some self-examination

• Choose restoration over winning

Philippians 4:3 “Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel , along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.”

Paul’s reminder:

• You are not enemies. You are teammates
• You have fought for the same Gospel
• Both of you have your names in the Lambs Book of Life

Paul defines them by their identity in Christ:

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath.”

Proverbs 17:14 “Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.”

The person who loves their dream of community will destroy community, but the person who loves those around them will create community – Dietrich Bonhoeffer