It is difficult to find any movie or song today that does not have a love theme in it somewhere…
Why is that?
We love the idea of “falling in love”.
- Someone to make you feel good,
- Someone to make you look good or
- Someone to fill the empty places in your heart!
I totally get it – So why is it that over 50% of the marriages in our culture fall apart?
MARRIAGE IS A GOD ORDAINED INSTITUTION
- He created it
- It should be followed His way.
So let’s look at a piece of what is God’s way for marriages and see if we can discover the way to prevent our marriages from falling down to the depths of hell’s plan.
Let’s start with looking at a little of God’s heart. We are going to use a passage of Scripture that is referred to more often when speaking to singles, but I see a big piece of God’s plan within it.
1 Corinthians 7:32-35 “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs —how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
Do you see God’s heart?
- Paul’s desire is for people to be single and focus on pleasing God.
- A married person is concerned about what? How they can please their spouse.
1. Loss of love
I am not talking about the feeling of love having been lost. I am talking about when a person in the marriage does not get loved or valued as much as they feel like they should be loved or valued.
This is one of the primary challenges of marriage – to find ways to care for and value each other.
What happens when someone feels unloved or unvalued? They may become:
The responses from our flesh nature:
- The emotions grow negative and usually get uglier
- They may seek revenge and try to hurt back
- They may seek assurance of their value in another place
YOU NEED TO MAKE IT YOUR PURPOSE TO FIND OUT WHAT IT TAKES TO PLEASE YOUR SPOUSE.
The response out of the ways of the Spirit:
- Able to forgive
- Able to not lose their sense of value
- Able to adequately love the other person even if they are not being loved adequately.
2. Losing faith
A person starts having thought like these.
- My spouse will never change.
- Maybe I married the wrong person
- My spouse will never give me what I need
- When the positive to negative ratio of a marriage drops below five to one the marriage is in serious trouble.
3. Loss of work
Steps to Marital Problems
- Devalued and unfulfilled
- They are losing hope in their spouse
- Now they begin to stop working or work less on their marriage.
They may feel or even say “Why should I even bother. Nothing is going to change.”
If something does not change, then the marriage is going to continue to erode.
How to fix this problem?
It all starts with the Lords’ heart for a marriage:
- A married man begins living his life to please God and his wife.
- A married woman begins living her life to please God and her husband.
SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAKE THE MATURE ROUTE AND CHOOSE TO LOVE THEIR SPOUSE EVEN IF THEY DO NOT RECEIVE THE LOVE THEY THINK THAT THEY DESERVE. Ask the Lord to help you:
- Love even if you don’t get anything in return
- Choose right even when your spouse chooses wrong
- Be nice even if the other person is not nice.
MARRIAGE IS MORE ABOUT LOVING YOUR SPOUSE MORE THAN RECEIVING LOVE FROM YOUR SPOUSE.
Homework: What must you do to love your spouse this week?
Write out the top three ways that you can make your spouse feel loved.
Write out the top three ways that your spouse can make you feel loved.
- Pick a time or just capitalize on a moment and share these with each other.
- Pick one (or more) and make it happen!
Note: This is not a onetime act of love.
- This is a start to a regular expression of valuing your spouse (Their needs are important).